The Past Presents: LeeLee
Interviewed & Edited by Dia Masuda
The Past Presents is a series highlighting artists from the denver undergound magazine, Worldview’s predecessor. These are some of LeeLee’s words directly from the conversation.
The pandemic was trying in a way that I was like, if we survive this and we’re all still super connected and our relationships are still intact, we can really handle anything together.
Motherhood:
During the pandemic, it was kind of like, if the world’s gonna end, let me stand over here in the way to protect you, let me try to share some of these survival skills with you. If this is the end, who do I want to spend these last days with? What do I want my legacy to be? Subconsciously, I was a mother before. I just don’t think I really knew it. I had a new and growing calling on me to be a leader in certain situations where I might’ve just been self-destructive, messy, or reckless. I could see little eyes watching me. After being asked to become the mother of LaBeija, it took me a long time to decide, really weighing whether or not I was ready for what could possibly be a very long term commitment to other people. ‘Cause it is, it’s like marriage. Once they’re your children, they’re your children. I thought, “Am I ready to commit to these people I love? Surely I am, but what if my needs change? What if I need something? Me, me, me.” It took me realizing.. I’ve already got everything I need. I’ve lived very fully. I have to know that in order to give more of myself to other people. I need to take stock and understand that me getting to where I’m at is a level of success for a Black trans woman that is definitely worthy of sharing. I need to teach whatever it is I know about preparation and navigating this world that is really difficult to navigate.
Especially being asked to be the leader of the House of LaBeija, specifically. Our house is the only one named after one of the pioneering trans women of color in ballroom, Crystal LaBeija, who left the drag pageant scene due to racism. It’s one of the few things we’ve inherited, that has been left behind from people like us, for us. To be asked to be the leader in that regard, it felt even more important. I had to realize multiple times that I have a skill or level of understanding or access to certain resources that are important to share with these people. I hadn’t realized that I had that.
